Mrs. John Ellis | OWNER'S WIVES ANNOUNCE BAKE SALE FUNDRAISER
Bellevue, July 8th - The wives of the Mariner Owners have announced that they will be conducting a bake sale to help raise funds to cover the stadium cost overruns. Speaking for the wives from her Hunt's Point estate, Mrs. John Ellis explained: |
"Well, we heard all this talk about retiring bonds, and other things we didn't understand, so we girls put our heads together - ouch! - and decided to have a bake sale to help out. We've had our domestics working overtime to produce just oodles of delicious treats for the fans. We've got cocoanut giveaways, chocolate cheapskate drops, and just lots of fun treats - and of course every penney we raise will go to those in our community most in need - our husbands."
The wive's baked bounty will be available at Safeco Field and fans can purchase individually or in boxes of eleven ( an owner's dozen ).
CAN 'O CORN?
Seattle, July 8th - An ad hoc coalition of northwest food banks and relief agencies have announced a canned food drive to benefit the mariner owners. In the face of the stadium funding emergency the agencies have suspended their usual food distributions and are asking donors to redirect their largesse to the owners. Food bank spokesperson Jim Soupcon had this to say: "We feel this is consistent with our missions, which have always been to help those in the community who are willing to help themselves - and that certainly goes for the owners. These are hard working people who because of a variety of circumstances - some beyond their control - are just not able to make ends meet. It could happen to any of us."
The agencies are asking fans to bring non-perishable food items to the Stadium and deliver them to the owners through the windows of their luxury boxes.
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